the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I bet he comes in French.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's rum buckets o'clock
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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