she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
