you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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