when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
