how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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