I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
