I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
