There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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