He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
