There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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