Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
