Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
