If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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