im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
