Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
