I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
