we have pet lesbian snakes
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
