thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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