either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
