Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
