this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
