THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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