my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
