I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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