Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
