Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
