Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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