I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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