i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
