tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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