covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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