Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Found your dick twin last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
