I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
