dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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