I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
