Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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