i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
