so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
