You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
