Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
