I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
