let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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