You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
