I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
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