I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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