It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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