Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
