At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
