I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
