I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
