grandma shit on top of the toilet
where am i from again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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