He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
