I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
