The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
