She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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