So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
