just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize