you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
