He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
