Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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