accomplished twins. life is a go
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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