I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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