went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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