it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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