I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
