No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
