sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
