It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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