so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
These tits shall not be calmed
So here I am, sexting at work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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