One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
