I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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